Germany, 1944—More than twenty popular recording artists and comedians are giving of their time and talents to bring awareness to the new administration’s possible ‘negative feelings’ towards the humanitarian work happening at Auschwitz.

“It’s amazing to me that anyone would want to shut them down,” Saul Weber, the biggest name in big band music for the Third Reich, commented recently. “After all, without the work the brave men and women are doing there, we wouldn’t know the potability of salt water. Without the experiments they are doing, how would we ever know how long humans can survive drinking salt water alone?”

Comedian Richard Schmidt, who gave birth to the idea of the fundraiser, explained, “I recently bought a new fur coat because of the data coming from Dachau. When they discovered that humans cannot survive in the cold for certain amounts of time, and not all attempts to save hypothermia victims work, I knew something had to be done. I had to protect myself and my family. We all have fur coats now and we never stay outside when the temperatures are below freezing for more than two hours. The work they are doing there is vital to humanity.”

‘Train Tracks for Auschwitz’ will be a compilation record from our country’s most popular artists. They will be releasing music and work that has previously been unreleased, and all monetary gains will be donated towards the Third Reich’s efforts to keep the trains moving to and from their work sites, in the unfortunate event that a new administration may attempt to pull funding from the trains.

Recent outcries from the around the world regarding the treatment of the workers non-voluntarily brought to the sites has done little to move the opinion of the upper echelon of German society. While some around the world are concerned for the lives of those imprisoned, starved, undergoing “questionable” experimentation, and murdered in gas chambers, the authorities remained unmoved. “They’re just Jews,” one officer at Auschwitz commented. “We can’t pretend that they are fully human. We are helping members of our society with what we do behind closed gates.”

Josef Mengele seen sporting his new shades in anticipation for the show.

Rachel Muller, currently sitting at number one on the music charts, pleaded with her audience at a recent concert to rally behind the project: “We know more about what poison does to the human body than ever before, and that is thanks to sites like Auschwitz. Send a clear message to those in politics that threatening our rights to be free from the bondage of living with the Jews will not stand, and that our health is number one. Be sure to buy your copy of ‘Train Tracks for Auschwitz’ when it’s released!”

Statement from Joseph Mengele, primary physician for Auschwitz: “We at Auschwitz are so thankful for these artists who are bringing awareness to the importance of our cause. Without federal funding for our sites, we would not be able to properly care for the growth of our race. The medical leaps and bounds that are happening here are astounding. Just the other day, I learned so much from a pair of twins that we acquired. This work is artistry, and humanitarian to its core. Those who oppose us stand on the wrong side of history.” 

Inspiration for this article can be found here: John Legend, Foo Fighters, Bjork On New 7-Inches for ‘Planned Parenthood’ Box Set