This week we answer this listener voicemail:

“Recently, my family left a church that I can only describe as legalistic and high-control in a way that’s not biblical. In doing so, I feel like a lot of the extra things that had been added to my worldview are now coming under question. One of those things is personal identity.

You know, I’m a mom and a wife, and that was basically all I was for a really long time — and it still kind of is. But the concept of having a personal identity feels so secularized that it’s really hard for me to even look at this issue and ask, “Okay, who am I separate from my calling to be a wife and a mom? Who am I as a daughter of Christ outside of those roles?” It almost feels sinful to even entertain those questions, especially in a world that is so secularized and therapeutic. I don’t want to fall into those traps.

I was talking with my husband about it, and he said, “Yeah, you’re kind of not really a person. You’re kind of just a robot.” Which isn’t good. So I was wondering if you guys have any thoughts on this. It seems like both of you are moms, both of you are wives, both of you are Christians, and both of you have hobbies, lives, friendships, and relationships outside of your husbands and children.

I would love to hear how you think about yourself separate from your vocations and what that looks like. When your husband has gone to be with the Lord and your children have moved out, who will you be? And who are you now? How do you figure that out? Because I don’t know. There’s something in me that is so hesitant to even explore these questions. It feels like I would be doing something wrong, but I don’t think I am. Still, there’s a hurdle there, and I’m struggling to get over it.

I would really love to hear what other Christian women have to say about this topic and where the balance is.”