Every so often we take a moment to discuss what we are reading, listening to, watching, and generally meditating on (should we consider praying before hitting “post”?). So for the first half hour, we throw these things out, and then we answer a question a listener sent in about whether or not married Christian women should desire children. This topic is a landmine and we did a pirouette through the battlefield. Join us!

Episode Navigation

5:18 Why do we do a recommends episode every summer anyway? 

10:15 Summer tries to convince everyone to memorize Scripture & Joy makes a case for face-to-face time with our children.

15:15 We jump into a music/worship/CCM discussion and how we recommend to go about music listening (here’s the blog Summer mentioned).

24:00 Summer drops her “watch” recommends.

28:54 We drop into a conversation about our social media recommends.

44:00 We answer a listener question about whether or not married women should desire children.




  1. Henry Bowers

    There is a great ambiguity about “choosing not” to have children. It can mean (a) choosing something besides kids, (b) choosing *against* kids (even possible kids who don’t exist yet) precisely because they are kids. Question (b) seems more morally freighted than (a); here’s why: there are selfish reasons to do (a), but (a) is not an anti- or contra-marital choice, whereas (b) seems to be intrinsically anti- and contra-marital. Here’s why: in the wedding feast of the Lamb, he marries the Church, and they are fruitful through baptism. So a Christian marriage can do something besides kids, but cannot by definition be anti-kid.

    –My 2 cents

  2. Kristy

    Sheesh, what a needed kick in the pants you’ve just given me… I’m just recently married, and we’ve decided not to have kids. If it happens we’ll work it out, but we’re not going to try.

    By speaking about the topic frankly, instead of replying with obfuscation and placations, you’ve made me realise something I’ve been desperately avoiding. It’s not because I don’t want children – it’s because I’m actually gravely afraid of having them. Both because of my health (which is pretty cruddy), and the fear of raising them badly/losing them.

    Joy was 100% on the money, my ‘kids aren’t for me’ shtick is entirely self centred, and fear based.

    What an oooof.

    Thank you for pushing me to get right with the lord over this, and work out where my heard/heart is actually at. I genuinely appreciate both of your honesty.

  3. Renee

    I’m pregnant with our 6th and we had a lot of criticism for it from my husband’s family because we experienced infant loss with our 5th (she had a rare and random genetic condition and heart defect, which caused her to pass away at 6 months old)— they said we should be happy with what we have. We prayed and wrestled with if we should continue to have children, since we do have 4 surviving children and pregnancy after loss has brought a lot of fear and trauma right back in our faces…but ultimately we wanted to have more babies and being afraid wasn’t a good enough reason not to. It is hard when people tell us to “trust God” with this pregnancy since we trusted God with Kit and she died… anyway this comment is probably a little sideways from your discussion since it’s more of a matter of “how many” than “at all” ; and we can still trust that God is good and will sustain us even if He doesn’t act in the way we hope.

  4. Kelty

    ah! Another great episode. So much wisdom and fun here. 3 cheers for Caedmon’s Call and 90s Christian music. They put out some great Christian music back in the day. Loved your distinction between enjoying a theologically sound song from a largely unsound (theologically) artist. To both of those points, Jennifer Knapp’s Kansas was a fantastically biblically rich album. Sadly she has walked away from the faith since but that album is gold. Keep up the good work ladies!
    Blessings to you all and your families.

  5. Alix Raley

    Bosenstein debate? What is that

  6. noname

    I have never heard anyone state a reason for having kids that didn’t start with or include the words “I wanted…” or “I felt…” or “I needed…” Having kids, not having kids, it is all a choice. God doesn’t call everyone to the same things. Yes, children are a blessing. But we don’t all get the same blessings as every other Christian. God gives some people blessings that would be a burden to others. Ultimately, it is God who ordains life. If He gives you a child, yes it would be wrong to not take care of it. But I would like some hard Biblical evidence to show where it is a sin to not desire children. Show me from the Scriptures. Otherwise, statements like this are legalistic and of no benefit to the church.

  7. Antilegalist

    I respectfully point out some flaws in your argument regarding having children. We must remember that not wanting to have a child does not make someone an immature Christian. As believers, it is our duty to follow God’s plan for our lives. Judging others, calling them selfish, and acting self-righteous in our decisions can lead to sinning ourselves. However, we can still fulfill God’s mission by having spiritual children in our church and community, mentoring children, and serving in children’s ministry. We must recognize that there are different ways to love and serve God and that it is not limited to having biological children.


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©2021 Sheologians

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